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A BRIDGE TOO FAR
1st Generation Indo-Canadians gapping with
2nd, 3rd .. Generation Indo-Canadians
With the best compliments of Dr. Leo Rebello
The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently
and strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several
centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of
the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an
amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad
built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even
before they could stick the posters on its pillars."
Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because
of your grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them
in the sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja
or ACC was ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."
Ram spoke, "Well Hanuman, some people down there want to demolish
the bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves a lot of money
and a lot of money will be made. They will make money on demolition
and make more money on construction."
Hanuman humbly bowed down and said, "Why not we go down and present
our case". Ramji said, "Times have changed since we were down
there. They will ask us to submit age proof and we don't have either
a birth certificate or school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly
on foot and some times in bullock carts and so we don't have a driving
license either. As far as the address proof is concerned the fact that
I was born at Ayodhya is itself under litigation for over half a century.
If I go in wearing traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary
folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal
and at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also,
a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his
arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So it is a dilemma
so to say."
"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to
produce the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay
and how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing
is accepted without documentary evidence in present times. You may cough
but unless a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may
present himself personally but the authorities do not take it as a proof.
He has to produce a ‘person living certificate’ to prove
that he is alive. It is that complicated."
"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have
given darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas,
Saint Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram
and still they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth.
The only option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the
government records straight once and for all."
Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that
he may look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his
mama Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita when I was
in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on
earth as long as Salman Khan is around." |
Bhola ji Declares War!
One afternoon, George Bush was sitting in his office
when his telephone rang.
"Hello Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice says. "This
is Bholaji. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring
war on you!"
Well, Bholaji," Bush replies, "This indeed is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
At this moment in time," says Bholaji after a moments calculation,
"There is myself, my cousin Herolal, my next door neighbor Pyarelal
and the entire Kabbadi team from the Village. That makes 8!"
Bush sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that I have 1 million
men in my army waiting to move on my word."
“OK," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Bholaji calls back. "Right Mr. Bush,
the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Bholaji?" Bush asks.
“Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Chacha's
tractor from the farm."
Once more Bush sighs and says, "I must tell you Bholaji that
I have 50,000 tanks, 2000 mine layers, 10,000 armored cars and my
army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"I'll be dogged!" says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring
you back!"
Sure enough, Bholaji calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Bush,
the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
gotten out old Govind's crop sprayer with a couple of rifles in the
cockpit and the Hockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bush sighs and says "I must tell you Bholaji that I
have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability attack planes and
my military installations are surrounded by laser guided surface to
air missiles and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Bholaji. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Bholaji calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Bush,
I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm very sorry to hear that," says Bush. "Why the
sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Bholaji, "We've all had a chat and t'be
sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."
Paree
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Top 10 Indian Joint Ventures
Krishna Prasad
10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream
stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.
9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at
Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of
Indian version, to be named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN"
and will be headquartered at Bangalore.
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys
of all cities, its version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters:
Kanpur. PICHHE = means back-alleys for the uneducated
6. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants
to be named: "McDosalu". Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli
and Dosa.
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr.
SUBRAMANI", to be headquartered at Madras.
4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence
environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free
status in US.
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's
COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football.... with hands.
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA,
as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology
transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and
to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".
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Honorable Men Honestly Humoring
Internet
Subject: Men are Always Honest!!!!
"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch
of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the river and that
he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
"No," the woodcutter replied.
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this
your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this
your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes
to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank
and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again
appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE, You would have come up
with CAMERON DIAZ. Then, if I had said 'no' to her, you would have come
up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all
three. Lord, I am a poor man and am not able to take care of all three
wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONOURABLE
MEN!!!!"
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